He or she may get over his or her injuries quickly, or it may take a long time. You should be prepared for either case. Give your partner the time they need to heal without pressuring them. Willingly hang in there for as long as it takes. Let your partner decide when to 'close the book' on the abuse.
Self-examination Examine yourself to learn the sources of your abusive behavior. Knowing why you have behaved abusively in the past will help you understand your feelings and will help you take appropriate steps to make sure your bad behavior does not return in the future. If you do not know where in your life 'your abusive self' has come from, stopping your bad behavior will be more difficult.
Ask yourself the question: Why have I abused my partner? Make sure you answer this question honestly. This is an essential part of the healing process. Feedback Ask your partner to help you monitor your behavior and to let you know 'if and when' your behavior feels controlling, intimidating, or unreasonable. Be calm and appreciative when your partner gives you feedback letting you know that he or she is feeling uncomfortable with your behavior.
This feedback must be used to refine your behavior, making it more loving, kind, and respectful. Your partner's perception is what matters. It does not matter whether or not you agree with their perception of you as 'controlling, mean or, threatening. Perception is everything! If your partner says that your behavior is bad, 'accept' his or her words and improve yourself. Forgiveness After you have spent some time working on taking responsibility for having abused your partner, and you have shown remorse and are committed to not let abusing occur in the future, you can then ask your partner to forgive you.
Should your partner be gracious and forgive you, be grateful. If you are not forgiven, humbly accept your fate without protest. Forgiveness cannot be forced. Genuine forgiveness requires that your partner feels in his or her heart that you have made amends and that the abusive behavior will not happen again in the future.
Because forgiveness is a feeling, it cannot be forced. The feeling of forgiveness must come naturally. However, how you behave during the recovery period will greatly influence whether or not, in the end, you will be genuinely forgiven. Gratitude Be grateful the victim of your emotional abuse is giving you a second chance.
He or she is not obligated to do so. And when he or she does give you a 'second chance,' be grateful and know that a terrible fate for you and your family has been avoided. Verbalize your gratitude. Your partner needs to hear with his or her ears your sincere feelings of regret for the hurt you have caused and your appreciation that you have been given an opportunity to correct the bad behavior you had in the past.
Follow carefully The 8 Relationship Guidelines for Past Abusers, and you increase the likelihood that your partner will eventually forgive you. Unlike many serious medical conditions, emotional abuse can be cured. However, it is up to you, YOU are the doctor! Not everyone has a 'perfect relationship. No matter where you are in your journey, learning about abuse can prevent you from entering similar situations in the future.
Receiving support can help you feel stronger and more connected during the healing process. Oftentimes, Onyema says someone in an abusive relationship can be isolated from friends and family. Consider seeing a therapist or mental health professional. Therapy can teach you helpful skills for coping after an abusive relationship and offer further support during the recovery process. Other support resources are available, including:. But creating a safety plan, practicing self-love, seeing a therapist, setting boundaries, joining support groups, and seeking additional resources can bring you relief.
Healing is possible, though, and you will feel stronger in time. Loving someone who hurts you can be confusing. Though everyone is different, there are a few reasons why you may still love an abusive partner. In an emotionally safe relationship you can truly express yourself and show up as your most authentic self. Here's how to create emotional safety.
Take the first step in feeling better. You can get psychological help by finding a mental health counselor. Browse our online resources and find a…. I currently go to counseling and she also goes to her own classes. I feel that this might not be helpful. The problem I think is that when I am just trying to work on me, I feel that we are not connected and we get off track.
I like what you have written and I think this topic is very helpful. Please if you have any advice or suggestions, I would appreciate it very much. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Skip to content Can you fix a toxic relationship?
How about an abusive one? If yes, read on. If no, stay tuned for posts about leaving abusive relationships. That brings us to the fifth step : making changes. Lastly , you need to engage your support system. Good luck. Share this: Twitter Facebook. Like this: Like Loading Thanks Like Like. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:.
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