If you have not been prepared for your grandchildren suddenly to come into your care there will be a host of things to deal with. There are the obvious practical issues, such as where does everyone sleep, how do we clothe the children, how do we stretch the budget and financial support.
There are emotional issues too as the child may be feeling confused and emotional about this big change in their lives. Be prepared for the fact that the children will no doubt be in shock. They have gone through whatever trauma which has brought them to you and they are likely to be upset and scared. They might show their feelings by being quiet and withdrawn, angry and rude, or they might follow you around and cry wanting your attention and reassurance. There will undoubtedly be times when you will have feelings that overwhelm you just as they do the children.
These are normal grief reactions in a difficult situation and you or your grandchildren, or both, may need professional help in order to deal with them. Your grandchildren will benefit most from knowing that you love them and much needed reassurance that they are safe and that you are not going to leave them.
Hugs are important if they are willing to accept them and most importantly they will want to know what to expect from you. You need to let them know what you are doing to help make life better for them here and now. They will need stability from you and it may take time for them to start showing they are feeling more secure which is natural under the circumstances.
Children like to know what's expected of them. What they can do now they're living at your house? For example — what time should they go to bed, what time should they get up? If they feel scared during the night let them know where you are and if it is okay to wake you up. Let them know about meal times and what there are for snacks — children that have been through a time of neglect are often malnourished.
They might eat larger meals than you expect. They may be used to food being scarce and might take to hoarding food. Let them know that there is enough to go around — and encourage them to talk about their concerns and fears. If you have already spent a lot of time with your grandchildren before they came to live with you permanently, it may help to keep the relationship on the same level.
They may still need and want you to be their grandparent and not their mum or dad. This will help the child feel reassured, safe and supported. If your grandchildren have come to live with you but you have not had a close relationship or had much contact with them previously then helping them adjust to the new changes may take a bit longer. It may take time as you both establish a relationship with each other based on trust and security.
It is important not to have too many expectations on yourself or the situation and allow things to be gentle and natural as possible. You may have to rebuild trust if the children feel let down and betrayed.
Older children may need to be encouraged to talk — one of the best ways to do that is to listen carefully to them. Nobody is perfect but, in the early days especially, however harassed or frustrated you feel, find other ways to let it out than around the children! If they have been in an abusive household they will not trust you if you yell or smack them and you'll have lost important 'ground' with them that you'll have to rebuild.
You may want to consider professional support such as counselling or therapy to help them deal with their emotional needs. There is less upheaval in their lives, and overall, their feeling toward parents and toward family tends to remain more positive. For these reasons, grandparent foster care can be a better option for the children involved.
In fact, Oklahoma law specifies its preference in placing children with relatives over other foster care placements. Oklahoma law strives to put in place a plan which will support a permanency plan for the child and the family. If a relative such as a grandparent takes the child in as a foster parent, the grandparents must keep DHS apprised of their current address. When a grandparent cooperates with the DHS in terms of placing the child in their home, it is more likely that the grandparents will be considered for custody or guardianship of the grandchildren should the need arise.
In all matters regarding the welfare of children, courts are guided by what is in the best interests of the child. Therefore, while a parent moves toward or away from reunification with the family, the less trauma the child experiences, the better. Grandfamilies, or kinship foster families, often provide a less traumatic bridge toward reunification when that is possible.
In , Oklahoma shifted its goal from not preserving families to adopting practices which help preserve and reunify families. The basic requirements for becoming a foster parent of any child in Oklahoma include the following. You must:. The assessment also includes completion of the DHS forms, reference and background checks, fingerprinting, a complete family assessment of all people who live in the household, and verification of auto insurance. There are also classes or training sessions that you must attend.
The training is required by the state of Oklahoma. Both grandparents must attend the training sessions. This provides both grandparents with a sense of the process, what services are available to help, and about the requirements. The training is also intended to help grandparents understand how to best transition a child to foster care.
Once approved, the child or children are placed with the grandparents and a case worker is assigned. See also: GrandFamilies Resources. Since laws regarding grandparent's rights vary from state to state, it is best to contact a family law attorney in your area who can tell you what's best for your situation. If you are the primary caregiver for your grandchild, it may be important to establish some kind of legal relationship.
If you don't, the child's parent can take the child from you at any time. What's more, you may have trouble getting medical care for the child or enrolling him in school. In most cases, these are the three key options for a formal legal relationship with a child:. Can I enroll a grandchild in school or get them medical care if I haven't established a legal relationship with the child?
Medical care may include immunizations, mental health services, well-child check-ups and dental care. In the states with these consent laws, usually the caregiver signs an affidavit a statement saying they are caring for the child. In some states, the parent can sign a special form to give you permission to get services for your grandchildren. Most benefits for children do not count the caregiver's income either. But some do, so be sure to talk with the local department of human services or Social Security office or your lawyer to learn about the rules in your state.
When a child is in foster care or under the protection of a child welfare system , usually the state has legal custody of the child and caseworkers make all major decisions about him or her. Children in foster care may be placed with families, or in group homes or institutions. In an arrangement known as "kinship care," a child is placed with a relative or a close family friend. When a grandparent becomes a foster parent though kinship care, the grandparent is responsible for the day-to-day decisions and care for the child — though the state retains legal custody and pays for the child's care.
Almost all states prefer to place children with a relative or "kin" when they can. If your grandchildren have already been in the legal custody of the state, or if they are being abused or neglected and the state is taking custody of them, you can look into becoming their foster parent and have them placed in your home. A judge can decide that a parent has no right to care for or even visit with their child.
Their parental rights are "terminated" or ended and they cannot get them back. Other family members may also be affected. For example, another family member may be denied the opportunity to visit with the child.
Parent's rights are usually terminated permanently when a child is adopted. If you are concerned about abuse and neglect, call your state's Child Abuse Reporting Number, which can be found at www. If you feel your grandchild is in immediate danger of being harmed, you should call the police.
If you have trouble paying for legal advice, you may be able to find reduced or free legal help through local agencies or private law firms. See the legal section in Grand Families Resources for ideas for organizations that can help you find pro bono legal help, such as the American Bar Association.
Be sure to include your grandchildren in your will. If you are your grandchild's primary caregiver, some states will allow you to direct someone to take care of him if you become ill or die. Talk with a lawyer to get more information about laws in your state.
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